The Saint That Is Just Me

The Saint That Is Just Me - Danielle Rose

Oh I thought I'd be heroic and inspiring.

I wanna do all for you, the greatest sacrifice.

Like all the saints who've gone before me,

I tried to prove my love for you,

And so to gain the prize.

I thought I'd be a martyr like Cecilia

I hoped I'd disappear like St Therese

Or wear a hidden crown of thorns like Rose of Lima

To heal the sick and raise the dead.

When you hung upon the Cross looking at me,

You didn't die so I would try to be somebody else,

You died so I could be the saint that is just me.

I wanted to be poor and free like Francis,

To carve my long hair like lovely Clare,

To be faithful like Mother Teresa in the darkness

Lord, won't you make me just like her.

I tried to kneel for hours in the chapel corner,

To persevere like Paul with all my sleepless nights.

To stay awake and trim my lamp with ten wise virgins

To really give the devil a good fight.

When you hung upon the Cross looking at me,

You didn't die so I would try to be somebody else,

You died so I could be the saint that is just me.

Just me, You died just for me.

Just me, just me, You died just for me

You saw that I was perfectly imperfect.

Oh happy fault the sin of Adam's pride.

That's the reason You became man and

Bore the new Eve from Your wounded side

If it weren't for my sins and wounds and weakness

Then you wouldn't have married me upon the cross

Why do I fear being seen naked and broken

That's why you came 'cos I need you that much

When you hung upon the Cross looking at me,

You didn't die so I would try to be somebody else,

You died so I could be the saint that is just me.

(Credit to Audrey Ansibin for pointing out this lovely song to me!)

This is my theme song for this Lent... I thought i'd type it out cos i can't find it ANYWHERE on the internet. Perhaps i didn't google hard enough... Anyway, i apologise if there are any typos.. Correct me if you hear otherwise! It's good to want to strive for holiness like this saint and that saint. But at the end of the day, i think what would make God happy is for us to be saints in our own little way wherever we are and whatever we do. Sometimes, the smallest, most insignifcant thing to you (like a smile, or a kind word, or taking time to explain the patient's critical condition to the family although you feel really exhausted) can mean the world to somebody. If we're blessed enough, God will allow us to see the effects of our offering. But even if He doesn't, rest assured, all those sacrifices and offerings aren't wasted!God is good at recycling.. Nothing is ever wasted for the Kingdom of Heaven! :)

I used to wonder why the whole Adam and Eve fiasco happened. After all, God is so great, why did He allow all this Original Sin to happen? And explaining it to me as "Well, humans have free will" blah blah blah just does not cut it for me.. Then it occurred to me one day (or perhaps, God's grace) that perhaps, all this Paradise Lost business was necessary... It's like a parent-child relationship really. My parents can tell me all the time that they love me, but i can just nod my head and say 'uh-huh'. But let's say i did something REALLY REALLY bad. I know i'm in trouble and my parents are going to KILL me for doing it... So gingerly i go to them and 'fess up.. But instead of being grounded for the rest of my life, they hug me and say, it's ok Mel. Gosh, the joy and the happiness i'd feel! Back to the Adam issue. If he hadn't done wrong, then we'd never have known how much God loves us. Loves us enough to sacrifice His own Beloved Son... How can I NOT love God for it... I love Him all the more... I'm not too sure if this is what is meant by felix culpa, but that's how i rationalise it...

To quote Julian of Norwich (which was quoted from the book i've JUST finished reading - 'Deep Calls to Deep')

"For though we through the grace of God can know fully about all other matters, and think about them - yes, even the very works of God himself - yet of God himself can no man think. Therefore i will leave on one side everything i can think, and choose for my love that thing which i cannot think! Why? Because by loving he can be caught and held, but by thinking never."

I had to read the paragraph 5 times before i caught the meaning, and even then, i probably haven't grasped the full meaning of it... I think it means, the only way i can grasp God and all He is, is by loving Him.. Cos when we love someone, that love will flow back one way or another, and when you can love God, who is the epitome of LOVE, then just imagine the backflow which will come our way! There's no point trying to rationalise and figure out the why and who and what of God... He's inconceivable... So the trick is to just love Him! =) Or to put it in my mother's words "Your's not to ask the reason why, your's to do and die". QED.

Dear God,

Help me to love You like Mother Mary does. May i desire what You desire for me, for i know when my will is in line with the Will of the Holy Spirit within me, then i will truly be content.